I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
