It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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