did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
