if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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