nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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