Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
