the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
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Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.