I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
