Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
