he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
