My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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