Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
