she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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