dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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