The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
