I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We have started to decorate penises.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
