dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
