I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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