It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
