Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
