I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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