I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?