The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together