Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween