glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.