i want to fuck
it's pretty self explanatory
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that