a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
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