apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
