pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Who died my cat blue again?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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