She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
