Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
