After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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