That's intense
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
