It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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