I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
