Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
