States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
