I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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