I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Randomize
