Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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