it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
