That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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