allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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