Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
