He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
