You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
