If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Enjoy the penises
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize