I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
