the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
