i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
