Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
