oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
