I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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