i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
