Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
