They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
