Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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