i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
