White coat. Heels.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
