Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
they need to just BURY HIM!
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
