You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize