i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
