Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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