Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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