R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
