If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
