the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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